Can you let me say this?

Can you let me say something? For all that I've written on this blog that I've used as a sort of diary. For all those comics I drew/wrote. For all those status updates and tags in posts...

I'm sorry.

About... Everything.

I'm sorry about me.

Right Now

I just can't help but feel like tomorrow will be better.

Nada de Mas

Nothing else in the world can make me as happy as just simply talking to the people I love, even more so the person I love.

Mystery Girl contacted me which was such a great surprise. I of course won't read into it as she just did it to point out an observation that I am indeed a Facebook whore. lol It's true. I think I gave myself that title too. Anyway, just the fact that she went on my profile and sent me a message means a lot to me.

It was definitely the best way to end today. Thank you Mystery Girl.

College Life Sucks... sometimes..

College is like.... Well I think it's just this semester.

Why did it have to start this way? Everything other than my life in the apartment with my friends sucks. Just sucks.

There's all this worry, I've yet to pay classes, still have to buy books, only in 3 classes so barely count as a full-time student, probably won't be able to get into another class, will be disenrolled if I don't pay soon with money I don't have, didn't qualify for financial aid, can get a credible co-signer for my student loan, no money, can't get a job, andI feel like everything's falling apart.

Why can't I catch a break and have everything be better? Have the reassurance that everything'll be alright... I want that. I want to feel like everything'll get better. I do have those moments but in these quiet times I'm reminded... When my friends do their homework, I'm reminded.. When I see other students with their textbooks, I'm reminded... I hate this.

But I won't give up.

Some advice for my friends who're underclassmen:
1. Save up a lot of money for college.
2. Do everything on time. Everything, that includes homework.
3. Be with people who'll make you feel better and not stress you out.
4. Plan ahead.
5. Have a backup plan.
6. Include your parents with everything you're doing.
7. Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER give up.

PS This probably doesn't apply to you if you're from a well-off family (financially).

The Hard Falls of Anor

It seems like anytime something good finally happens to me, something bad is just around the corner waiting to come meet me. I understand fully well though that every single person in the world has not only problems, but bad things that happen right after something good finally happens to them. It really does suck. I just really want to catch a break though.

This year was supposed to be amazing. I was supposed to be in four awesome classes and pass them with B's or higher. I was supposed to be happy when I went out with my roommates and friends. But when I go out I just look at my wallet and worry... I think "should I really go out today/tonight?" It's a darn good thing I never spend more than necessary and use coupons if in my possession.

Man.... I grew up in a trailer, had barely any friends (if any really at all), was a loner in middle-school, a social outcast in freshman year high school, depressed in junior year and ever since then just a worry wart. I know the pattern of my life. That's why I get worried. When something good happens to me, I'm afraid that it'll go away or turn bad. For those who wonder... that is why I always worry.

My parents really don't help either... I wish I was able to get a job and car when I was still in high school. I wish I was able to have the experiences everyone else had. But my family was isolated when I was growing up. Sometimes I wonder that if my family were to be with the rest of the Fam. in San Diego... that my youth would've been much more rich (and I probably would be speaking spanglish like all the time too). That I would've had all these experiences and not have to worry since I'd be surrounded by family.

But it wasn't like that (not that I really regret it). I've always had to push through things alone, never accepting anyone's help because I didn't want them to "get mad" at me or just be purely disappointed in me. I hated it... when my classmates saw me as a failure or loser. I was called a loner. Hell... when that one guy in seven grade yelled out "loner" in Drama (theater) class [after I argued with him for whining about not having a lot of parts like the best actor in the class]... and I saw that I was in one corner of the room and everyone else was huddled together on the other side... I wonder how many of my friends knew how I must've felt.

Could you imagine just the breaking of your heart, that feeling of just not holding back and wanting to cry even though everyone would laugh at you? I felt that... a lot. I hated it. And during high school where I thought I could finally make friends... I found no place where I could belong.

Without turning this into a depressing post... I'll just say my "thanks you"s:

• Thank you Sergio for being so persistent on being my friend and eventually becoming my best friend.
• Thank you Devin for also not giving up and becoming another best friend, making us a Trinity.
• Thanks to Eduardo Temez for always being my friend since I was 7; even when I attempted to not be your friend in order to just be liked, I am so sorry for those times and thank you for continuing on being there.
• Thanks to my sister, Katherine, who even though we fought A LOT that you still support me. (if only Cristian could understand that I just don't want him to grow up to be like me, but a much better person....)
• Thanks to Alexandra, who even though is just my cousin; I consider you my little sister too.
• Thanks to Gioser, Boris and Angel for being the best cousins ever.
• Tito, Alvarito and Diegito; thanks for still dealing with me even though I'm weird and that you can still call me your primo.
• Alexa and Valerie for being cool and accepting me even if I'm weird.
• Yenia and Azarel for being kind of like big sisters to me (even though me and Yenia are basically the same age)
• To Debbie... For inspiring me to rethink my life. You're the reason I've always wanted a big sister.
• To Arminda, for being my big sister...
• To Mace for accepting me like a sister would.
• To my fans for always supporting me. Even though we've never met in real life and you guys live in other countries/states, it's feel good to know my work is appreciated.
• To Carlos Canedo; thanks. Even if you think we don't get along, it's because of you I stand by my way of life so firmly.
• To Adriana for never leaving me even though we constantly butt heads. You too have become my best friend.
• To ALL my friends, I hope I don't make you feel under-appreciated.. I love you all.
• To Lake, you made me open my heart to others. It's because of you I wrote and drew more and more. It's because of you I was able to finally smile from my heart. So thank you for being the first... thank you for being my moon.
• To Nicole... you probably will never understand how many times I want to say thank you or how important you really are to me. I don't care if people read this and they question why I wrote that. It's because of you I continued with my promise to that 7-year-old boy who just wanted to make a movie. It's because of you I grew out of my depression in junior year. It's because of you that I don't ever give up. I wish I could say it to you... but let me at least write this: Nicole, thank you.
• ...and finally to my parents; who have struggled and worked so hard for me to get to where I am today. The last thing in the world I ever want to do is disappoint you. You grew up with worse lives than I ever did so why should I be whining about what I'm going through. I don't ever want you to worry. I don't ever want you to regret having me as your son. I wish you could understand me more but I can't ever tell you who I really am; you just have to see for yourselves. I'm not a mean big brother or a lazy boy. I'm a very scared person. I want nothing more in this world than to make the people I love smile.

I probably shouldn't have written these most private feelings... but I need to get them out as I've been so stressed and worried... and angry. I've been so afraid of what'll happen. But these feelings must come out. They may never be read but that never matters to me... just that they get out. One day they'll be read. Maybe right after I've written it, maybe after someone discovers their existence but they'll be read.

I've faced hard time a lot in my life but with these people in my life I can't give up. I can never do that. I don't want to disappoint them. I want them to see that I can reach my goal... that I will shine brighter than the heavy shadow my past has cast.

I won't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER give up. That is a promise to everyone and to myself.

Listen to solarguardians Playlist

Let it end right...

Please... whoever controls what happens to me... let this summer end right. Let me have fun with my friends. Let me be able to enjoy my family. Let me have my four classes and get my loan money. Let me be able to pay off the things I need to pay off. Let it end alright with her...

I just want Mystery Girl to know that she's really important to me, that I care a

bout her and ultimately I want her to remain as a big part of my life. I hope to remain a part of her life too... I want us to have that moment that'll reaffirm our friendship. Not over Facebook but in person. Episode 12 really does sum up pretty well how I feel about her.

I hope everyone I know end their summer right too...

Damn... I don't like not being there. I hate it...

It sucks that I have to go somewhere else, away from home. I chose to leave though. In order to

accomplish what it is I need to do. There's a 7 year old kid in 1999 who wanted to make a movie;

I'll make sure he does. I'll get my stuff published one day. I'll become someone who made a difference to someone's life.

All I am is a storyteller. An artist. A moviejunkie. A geek. A total nerd. And a com

pletely in-love idiot. Ahead of me, I have a lot of hard work. But it'll all be worth it in the end. I'm doing this not only for the Mystery Girl to see what it is I want to show her, but for me. To that 7 year old boy who just wanted to make a movie.

The needs...

I really need to get a job or something. I REALLY do not want one but I want/need the money. I'm tired of seeing my mom worried and I hate not contributing to anything I do in life. I want to pitch in, I really do. So I really want to get a job... but make sure that I pass my classes with the grades I want as well as keep up with my comics and social life.

Also... I really need to get working on my license. Tired of people always telling me to get it. I get it. I'll have it before summer 2011 okay? I won't even have a car or gas money anyway...

Also, I really want to end this summer right. Damn, another Mystery Girl post but get over it. I love her sincerely and just want to be able to know that I'm a part of her life. I just want to know that it'll be alright in the end of it all, whenever that may be. We still have the rest of our lives after all...

Also want closure with the Moon and know where I stand in her life too... -.-

SO YEAH...

Tentative by Argyle Smile (now on iTunes!)

Tentative by Argyle Smile (now on iTunes!)

Songs

Man. Some songs I love but you know what? I'm really loving "Black Sheep" by Metric right now. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obV-OL3TwXo

Just Dawned On Me

I will someday not live with my family. They will not be with me and one day come and visit. Man. Adulthood dawns.

What To Say?

The whole thing with the Moon... It... really, really is complicated. But with what has just happened... I know now completely. The feelings I had for her were real. I did love her. Yeah, past tense. I still care about her and want to be her friend... but I truly, and deeply am in love with Mystery Girl.

Even though I don't really want to be in a relationship or am looking to be in one for that matter, the fact remains; I truly do want to be with her.

I don't want to hold her back but... thinking about her being in a relationship with some other guy; it hurts a lot. And I'm jealous. I don't like it but... I want her to be happy. It means a lot to me for her to smile.

I really hate not being able to be with her or something. What is it I want? I don't even know. I too selfish for her. That sucks... I need to change. For the girl who probably doesn't even want to be with me.

I'm just being an idiot like always. It's me against the Universe.

Shooting Star

About two nights ago I saw something in the night sky. It was a shooting star. On that, I made a wish to have a conversation with a certain someone. In a way, we did come in contact but not a conversation.

So how does the wish thing work? Do I have clasp my hands together and/or say the wish aloud? Or I'm just being a kid and wishes don't come true?

Life has been kind of down lately. I think something good finally happens to me and it ends up making more trouble for me and my loved ones. It sucks! But is that just life?

Maybe it is.

But things happen that make everything better. I mean... Mystery Girl didn't talk to me but we had an exchange of words. I hope to have an actual conversation with her soon though.

But I got to talk to the Moon today too.... that was really nice.

Let tomorrow be the way I want it to be though.

I know

That the whole Mystery Girl thing may be annoying people at this point... but who really reads this blog?

Anywho, I'm just.... tired of not having a conversation with her.

Speaking of which, I had my first phone call with someone I shall call Onee-san. She's an old friend and great to hear her voice and we might see each other next week.

Anywho, I really wished that the Mystery Girl and I could talk.. I mean I don't even know if she's busy doing anything that'll ...ugh! Am I making excuses for not calling or texting her?

I mean, I might leave soon... I really want to get our relationship to what it was before... I want it to be great before I leave for college. I just want to talk to her again, like we used to.

I really miss her... -Sigh-

Well

Yeah....................................

Just Life

Ya know. It's like.... I try to help people understand to chill in life... but I can't seem to do that right now. Too much pressure. I just want to be able to go to school and have an apartment with my friends. I want to do well in those classes and have a great year.

I want to have things be great. Can I be happy for long? The only time I'm happy and it stays is when I'm with family.

Right when I come back to reality, whenever something good happens to me, something bad just comes to interrupt it. But life isn't stable and that sucks.

But there are great things sprinkled throughout my life that keep me happy. Like Scott Pilgrim. Man those books help me deal with summer...

I've been feeling kind of distant from the Mystery Girl though. I really don't want to... I want us to return to what we once were with each other. I want to be a part of her life again.

Let's hope I can make that happen somehow.

I just hope everything turns out well. Wish me luck!

Those darned texts...

...I love them.

Hah. No. I don't like texting. Yep.. I think calling a person is much faster at getting the message across. But if I'm texting the Mystery Girl, it's... great! Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. I just know that every time I hear that thing go off my heart skips a beat wondering if it's her. And when I find out that it is... then I just have the biggest smile ever. (Unless it is serious sounding...)

I like texting her. There's a closeness to it... or at least I think there is. I just like texting her... I like knowing how her day went, is going, will go, what she plans to do, what she's thinking or listening to any random thought that comes into her head.

That silly girl... heh.

"Have you used the L-word yet?"

"Why is everyone so obsessed with lesbians?"

"I think he means the other L-word."

-Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together (page 97, panels 4 & 5)

/Rant

Deleted from my myspace/ written right after my sister hit me in the face (she does this often and doesn't hurt, can't say the same for my feelings though) after I said it's not my problem that she doesn't go out and stuff:

//My sister says I don't have a life. Well guess what? She doesn't!

I'm not the one who sits on my bed every hour of everyday.

She says I'm on the computer all the time, you wanna know why?

- I go on Facebook to talk to all my friends that I want to check up on and talk to multiple people at the same time, something I can't do on a phone or texting.

- I blog. Yeah. Anime/manga AND movies. I do this because I love both mediums of entertainment and I want to know what's up in the industries I want to be in.

- I watch anime. I'm sorry but do we have an anime channel? No. I love anime, I'm an otaku. Get over it.

- I write. Hello, I make my own comics/stories. I need the computer.

- I draw. I need the tablet for my artwork. >:O

How do I have a life?

- I actually hang out with friends.

- I go to people's houses whenever I can.

- I go to the mall/River all the flippin' time if I can.

In Fullerton:

- I pretty much do the same but even more often. (whenever I'm not studying)

- Go on roadtrips whenever we can or have money.

So yeah. I may be a geek/nerd/otaku but I actually have (social) LIFE.

/Rant

My Outstanding Love For INCEPTION

So if you've been in contact with me for the past year then you probably heard me talking about two movies; James Cameron's Avatar and Christopher Nolan's Inception. While I loved Avatar, I do hold Inception at a higher place in my heart. And there are reasons for this as well as reasons as to why I'm calling this Best Film of 2010.

First above all else... It's Chris Nolan. Really, his name on anything makes it automatically better just by association. Though I still have yet to see "Following," "Insomnia" and "The Prestige," "Memento" and "The Dark Knight" are two of my favorite movies of all time. I also am one of the few who really, really dug "Batman Begins." The man can do no wrong and usually raises the bar with every film. I mean can you imagine how amazing Batman 3 will be now? Not to mention he's godfathering Superman so I'm curious to see how that'll go as well.

Second has to be the flippin' amazing cast. Leo DiCaprio at the lead, Joseph Gordon-Levitt right behind him and of course... Ellen Paige. Oh Ellen Paige. Aside from that we have Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy and Ken Watanabe. If that's not enough we also have Marion Cotillard as a mysterious character connected to Leo's past. Everyone else in the backround like, Tom Hardy and that scientist dude from "Avatar," also just make this a great cast. We can only assume that some kind of nomination is gonna go to one of these people.

Third is the story. I mean really. I'm sure people are just tired of remakes, reboots, sequels, prequels and adaptations. This is an original story created by Chris Nolan. Not only that, with Nolan's trackrecord, it'll most likely be very well written and psychological to some extent. What's great about the film, from what I heard, is that it's not too complicated. Average film goers will probably leave saying it was a good film and had great action. The rest of us, film buffs and people who love writing, will think about the movie long after the credits role.

Synopsis: Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a skilled thief, the absolute best in the dangerous art of extraction, stealing valuable secrets from deep within the subconscious during the dream state when the mind is at its most vulnerable. Cobb’s rare ability has made him a coveted player in this treacherous new world of corporate espionage, but it has also made him an international fugitive and cost him everything he has ever loved. Now Cobb is being offered a chance at redemption. One last job could give him his life back but only if he can accomplish the impossible–inception. Instead of the perfect heist, Cobb and his team of specialists have to pull off the reverse: their task is not to steal an idea but to plant one. If they succeed, it could be the perfect crime. But no amount of careful planning or expertise can prepare the team for the dangerous enemy that seems to predict their every move. An enemy that only Cobb could have seen coming. This summer, your mind is the scene of the crime.

So, the fourth reason the movie rocks my socks off is the concept of the whole thing. Dreams, the architecture of the mind and the extraction of thoughts. This is a contemporary sci-fi film but in essence is a heist film. A little bit of "The Matrix" with some James Bond mixed in. Cobb steals thoughts for his clients but this time his team must INPLANT a single thought. Cobb will of course not only be what the story relies on but the emotional backbone of the film. Why is he doing this? What has he lost? What does he fear? This could be Nolan's most emotional film yet.

Fifth reason isn't really a big deal but... Hans Zimmer. People who know me personally know that my mp3 player not only holds regular music but also film scores. I just love them. And I love no other composer than Hans Zimmer. His work on "The Lion King," Pirates 2 & 3, "The Last Samurai," "Sherlock Holmes" and both Nolan Batman films pretty much put him at that position. I am hoping for nothing more than one of the best scores of the year from him.

The film wasn't shot in IMAX but the cinematography looks so effin' gorgeous. The framing, the shots, lighting, scope and heck, even quality. It all looks amazing. The production design also looks incredible. I mean there's this one scene involving a zero-gravity fight. Nolan had a rotating set built for that scene. Meaning that well... Nolan tries to get as much on camera as possible. As usual, Nolan isn't an effects director. He doesn't rely on CGI most of the time. For him, story, characters and tone are what matter most. Everything else is second. But the CGI we do see looks awesome and not distracting at all.

The bottom line is that I have been obsessed with this film ever since I saw that first teaser trailer way back in August '09. This is the movie I've been waiting for as much as, if not more than, "Avatar." Christopher Nolan's Inception will be the movie of the summer and the movie we've been waiting for in this time of remakes, reboots, sequels, prequels, adaptations and generally bad writing. The dream is real. July 16th, your mind is the scene of the crime.

I...

...miss her. I miss the Mystery Girl. *sigh*

Seeing An Old Friend

It has been since last Halloween... That was the last time I saw the Moon. It was... wow. She hasn't lost a bit of her beauty... Sad thing... She now has a ponytail. Why is this sad you ask? Those who know me know I love girls with ponytails.

She.. man I acted like such an IDIOT around her but that's because I just wanted to make people laugh. haha I'm glad she did though. I just hope I didn't get annoying... Ugh... It's weird...

With the Moon I'm just a dork and completely insane but with Mystery Girl I just... I think about how I come off and what I'm like. Ahaha, I worry if I look cool or not!

The Moon... I wish I can spend more time with her. I hope we do get to.

I Wish

I wish that I were the person she'd first go to if she just wanted to talk to someone out of boredom... that she'd come to me to share her happiness or pain... to just talk. It really is my favorite thing in the world to do... To talk to her.

I just wish...

Surprise

Well, I went to the movies today and saw The Last Airbender, which is an atrocity by the way. Anywho, I was with my friends and then I saw her. Mystery Girl had not only gone to the midnight premiere but was in the same exact theater I was in! 13 really is my lucky number isn't it? haha

She said last night that she needed her energy for "tomorrow" (which is today). I told her it was for the midnight showing and she said she didn't want to go to it. She said it was a surprise.. Well going to the midnight showing was the surprise. A great surprise.

Seeing her again... oh, she was just so cute. Wished we could've exchanged words or sat together rather than just wave "Hi" to each other. Her smile...

What a great surprise. My only regret was to not give her a goodnight hug after the movie but I had to go with my friends. -Sigh-... My mistake.

The Trinity

And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when Earth's mightiest nerds found themselves united towards a common goal. On that day, S Comics was truly born — to bring! Through the years, their roster has prospered, changing many times, but their glory has never been denied! Heed the call, then — for now, the Trinity Rallies Up!

Yeah, we're getting back together! Me, Sergio and Devin. Seriously, it sounds gay but I love these guys. Yeah, when we're together, it's like.. haha we're a group of girls or something but we're that close. We're it. The Trinity!

We will change the world. Whoo!!

Met...

Met James Franco. That is all. :)

You don't know who he is? Shame on you and google him!

Lost Times but Never Wasted

You know... when I was in Fullerton, I could have easily gotten a girlfriend if I actually put myself out there. There was this girl on my floor who seriously liked me... until I saw her underwear and things got awkward between us. Long story for another day!

Then why did I never act on those feelings? Guess it was because of Mystery Girl. I don't regret those lost times but... I just feel curious to what could've happened. But I'm glad... kinda. I just want to.... gahhh........

I'm not in a rush. I really want to strengthen our friendship though. I want to make sure that I'll always be in her life and that she'll always be in mine. I'd really love for that to happen.

"I'll tell you you're right when you want

And if only you could see into me.

Oh when you're cold, I'll be there

Hold you tight to me.

Oh when you're low

I'll be there by your side, baby."

-Beachwood Sparks, "By Your Side"

Those lyrics really kinda capture what I feel. Maybe I should write a romance novel or something... OR maybe I shouldn't read Scott Pilgrim which is a love story. Yeah it's probably Scott Pilgrim making me want to write this stuff out.

Best Friends

A recent article stated that we shouldn't have best friends. That's bull... I wouldn't trade mine for the world, namely one. Ravedemon. Man, he seriously is my brother. My partner in crime. Together we're Ashirogi Muto!

Glad to have him back (I think). A lot to talk about. Bros gotta be bros, yo. Anyway... Glad he's coming back (I think he is... haha).

[Note: He was in Mexico for the past couple months.]

My Life

When I was seven years old, my father took me to go see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Even though at this moment in time, I know the movie sucks, I came out of that theater amazed. I wanted to make movies.

I was in second grade. But then, throughout all my years through elementary and middle school, people made me think I would never be able to make it. I gave up on my dream. They made me think it was an impossible dream. I didn't want to make movies.

Yet, I had a talent. I was able to draw. I rarely shared what I drew for fear that people would once again make fun of me and taunt me. That changed in sophomore year when I met the Moon. I joined the anime club and she proposed to make a magazine featuring people's drawings and comics. The next day I asked my best friend to join me in making a comic and it exploded from there. When our story came out the Moon had loved it. She loved my drawings. For the first time I could remember, I was being truly and honestly praised. My parents didn't think much of my drawing nor did they think I had any big dreams because I never talked to them about it. But I drew more and more. Then everyone noticed what I could do.

Still, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Until Mystery Girl, a person I'd already knew for a while, started to read my stuff. After that, I want to impress her and show her what I could do. It dawned on me that the only way to truly show her what I dreamt about or what could imagine was to make it visual, and breathing, and there. In other words... to make a movie. It was the first time in probably 8-9 years that I thought about making a movie. I decided to make it come true. To keep that promise. To reach for that goal.

Movies are more than just an interest.. they are a way of life for me. Just like comic books or anime/manga. Anyway, I'm preaching/babbling. My point is... There is something I'm going after. Boy... is a lot of work ahead of me. But.. hey, that's been my life.

Hm.....

I think I have to not be boring or something... Or maybe I overthink things. Anywho, talked to Mystery Girl today and glad things weren't awkward. And why am I typing this for the world to see? Seriously. Oh, right back to the topic at hand...

Well, damn. Seriously... haha she had to log off when my computer turned off and I had to switch laptops. *Deep sigh* lame. We didn't even really... talk that much. But the conversation started off with a boring statement anyway. Ugh.. I gotta stop being worried that I'll bore her and just talk to her. I just get so nervous and want to come off as cool or funny, ya know?

Lips quivering, butterflies in her stomach... I wish I could get that kind of reaction out of her. But I'm not that suave or smooth. Haha. She did say I was romantic though... or maybe she said that I was a romantic... hm...

Sure, the topic of Mystery Girl comes up a lot in my life. Truth is, if I didn't talk so much about; Scott Pilgrim, Inception, anime, comic books, funny things I saw and worries about college/adulthood.... then I guess most, if not all, of my comments/stati (plural of status?) would be about her. Reason for that is because well... I want to improve or advance our relationship. Gah.... yeah that's what this summer is all about. I mean, I don't expect to be her boyfriend or anything... I don't know... But what I do know is this: I want to be with her. I honestly do. What does that mean? I have no idea yet. But I want to be by her side and have her by mine. But I care too much about how she feels (or doesn't feel) to do anything about how I feel.

Am I an idiot for chasing after an impossible dream? I am striving to become a film director afterall. I just really want to be there, you know? Like... for as long as time lets me. Forever if I can. Yeah... I told her I have my whole life. I'd gladly spend the rest of my life getting to know her, or understanding her better or becoming the best guy friend she's ever had. I want that. I do. What happens if it doesn't work out? If love is true, it finds a way. I genuinely do... you know... that word. Haha (Not willing to say it yet until I've said it to her in person first.) So I'd be willing to change for her; I can't change being my nerdy self but who knows?

What I'm trying to say is that she's the most important thing in my life. How the heck did this post start from me wanting to not be boring in a one-on-one conversation to me saying that she's so important to me? Any ideas? No? Okay.

Anyway... *another sigh* I just want to be there. To be with her. Okay... it's a good thing I'm determined. I've been feeling scared and jealous a bit for the past month... and it's just been recently that I've felt that way. But I'm being dumb. Just be myself. Keep my head help up high and go for it! Whoo! But I do have my whole life for her so no rush right? Haha, damn this is pretty confusing stuff.

She makes me worried, confused, scared, terrrified, jealous, envious and more. Yet at the same time she makes me extremely happy, content and hopeful that everything's all right. She truly is the only person in the world who can make me feel this messed up inside.

First Post

I wanted to make a journal account of what goes on in my life. Why? Because I'm bored? Maybe. Are people interested? I have no idea. Can I use my life as material for a story? You bet I can! Well... hm.... Seriously, why're you reading this? I can't be that interesting. Haha, we'll see.

Later Days.