Hm.....

I think I have to not be boring or something... Or maybe I overthink things. Anywho, talked to Mystery Girl today and glad things weren't awkward. And why am I typing this for the world to see? Seriously. Oh, right back to the topic at hand...

Well, damn. Seriously... haha she had to log off when my computer turned off and I had to switch laptops. *Deep sigh* lame. We didn't even really... talk that much. But the conversation started off with a boring statement anyway. Ugh.. I gotta stop being worried that I'll bore her and just talk to her. I just get so nervous and want to come off as cool or funny, ya know?

Lips quivering, butterflies in her stomach... I wish I could get that kind of reaction out of her. But I'm not that suave or smooth. Haha. She did say I was romantic though... or maybe she said that I was a romantic... hm...

Sure, the topic of Mystery Girl comes up a lot in my life. Truth is, if I didn't talk so much about; Scott Pilgrim, Inception, anime, comic books, funny things I saw and worries about college/adulthood.... then I guess most, if not all, of my comments/stati (plural of status?) would be about her. Reason for that is because well... I want to improve or advance our relationship. Gah.... yeah that's what this summer is all about. I mean, I don't expect to be her boyfriend or anything... I don't know... But what I do know is this: I want to be with her. I honestly do. What does that mean? I have no idea yet. But I want to be by her side and have her by mine. But I care too much about how she feels (or doesn't feel) to do anything about how I feel.

Am I an idiot for chasing after an impossible dream? I am striving to become a film director afterall. I just really want to be there, you know? Like... for as long as time lets me. Forever if I can. Yeah... I told her I have my whole life. I'd gladly spend the rest of my life getting to know her, or understanding her better or becoming the best guy friend she's ever had. I want that. I do. What happens if it doesn't work out? If love is true, it finds a way. I genuinely do... you know... that word. Haha (Not willing to say it yet until I've said it to her in person first.) So I'd be willing to change for her; I can't change being my nerdy self but who knows?

What I'm trying to say is that she's the most important thing in my life. How the heck did this post start from me wanting to not be boring in a one-on-one conversation to me saying that she's so important to me? Any ideas? No? Okay.

Anyway... *another sigh* I just want to be there. To be with her. Okay... it's a good thing I'm determined. I've been feeling scared and jealous a bit for the past month... and it's just been recently that I've felt that way. But I'm being dumb. Just be myself. Keep my head help up high and go for it! Whoo! But I do have my whole life for her so no rush right? Haha, damn this is pretty confusing stuff.

She makes me worried, confused, scared, terrrified, jealous, envious and more. Yet at the same time she makes me extremely happy, content and hopeful that everything's all right. She truly is the only person in the world who can make me feel this messed up inside.